I think that the most important thing to remember when it comes to transitioning into marriage is to keep our priorities in check. The most important thing is the marriage itself. Not the wedding reception, ring, or presents. But the fact that two people are coming together and starting their journey to becoming one. I think that often in our society people underestimate marriage and focus in more on the less important things. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $26,444 not including the honeymoon. The average cost of an engagement ring is $6,113. Maybe this isn't totally out of control to everybody out there in this big beautiful world, but I think that is really just far too much. There have actually been studies done to show that people who have spent $20,000 or more on an engagement ring were 3.5 times more likely to end up in divorce.
We, as a society, need to start putting first things first again. The marriage ceremony (or temple sealing) should be the main focus of weddings. Everything else is great and fun and wonderful, but secondary. I think that if our priorities were more straightened out from the get-go, we would have a lot more happy marriages.
Another important thing to consider when going into marriage is to put your partner first. Often times, when planning for a wedding, the bride to be turns straight to her mother for help with planning. It is totally fine to consult with mom and parents when planning, especially because they are probably the ones paying for it, BUT... the most important person that the bride to be should be turning to is her future husband. He should be involved with the planning. Marriage is supposed to break the parent/child bond a bit, and strengthen the husband/wife bond. This is why it is so dangerous to have such an expensive wedding. If the bride's parents are pouring thousands and thousands of dollars into a wedding, then obligations and uncomfortable situations are more likely to be created and the husband/wife bond is much more difficult to strengthen. Barriers are often created.
The wife should always turn first to her husband. The same is also true for when children come into play. Often times when a woman becomes pregnant she turns straight to her mother for help and support. It is fine to go to mom together as a husband and wife for advice and support. But when the wife starts to turn only to her mother for her main sense of support and advice, a barrier begins to be made between herself and her husband. But if she was to turn instead to her husband, then that bond is strengthened once again, and a marriage is much happier because of it. Men often feel unincluded and out of the loop when it comes to pregnancy and raising their children. Creating a sense of apathy and discouragement in the husband. Many women use the phrase, "my babies," while telling others that her husbands job is just to go out and work. This mades for a very unhappy marriage and dysfunctional family unit. The raising of children should be made by husband and wife. It is a team effort. It is a strengthening tool for marriages and families. Husbands and wives should always be united, and never use such selfish tactics. These things are extremely important to remember when transitioning into marriage.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Preparing for Marriage
Preparing for marriage is one of the most important things we can do in our life time. Since marriage is one (if not, "the") most important decision we will make in our life time. So if we are not well prepared, then we will not be knowledgable to make a good decision in partner selection or have the skills and tools needed to be the kind of wife and mother or husband and father that we really want to be. An excellent way to prepare well for marriage is to date. There are proper ways to date and improper ways to date. Dr. John Van Epp developed an excellent model to insure good dating habits called the RAM, or Relationship Attachment Model. In the RAM there are five different sliders. Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. These sliders all go in order in regard to what should happen first, in a relationship before the next slider. One should know a person before they trust them. One should trust a person before they rely on them. One should rely on someone before they commit to them. And one should have some sort of commitment to someone before they touch in any kind of way. If one was to follow this model, it is so much less likely that they will get severely hurt in dating, and much more likely that they will be able to determine which partners are suitable and which are not.
Another excellent thing we can do when preparing for marriage is building ourselves up to who we really want to be. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually we should be at the top of our game. We should be the kind of person that we want to be with. If we do this, we will attract those who we are looking for. Dating is so important. Our society has kind of gotten rid of the practice. We have become so used to sliding into things and forgotten how to be intentional. If we were to all follow the relationship attachment model, establish proper barriers, and be intentional when we take people out on dates, then I think we would have a lot more happy relationships and overall happy marriages.
Gender and Family Life
For those of you who don't know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Some know our church as the Mormon church. In my religion we believe that gender is divine. Something that we have always had. We believe that each gender has very sacred and important characteristics that are necessary for the family unit. We believe that there are only two genders, male and female, and that each gender has an important role here on earth and in the life to come. We believe that families are essential, and that they must only be created through the marriage of one man and one woman. We believe that a mother and a father each have very individual and important things to offer their children. According to our Family Proclamation to the World we believe that a mother is primarily responsible for the nurturing and care taking of her children, and that the father should be the primary protector and provider for the family. Science has backed up the fact that children need both a mother and a father. That's because God's ways make sense. They are eternal. They are what lead us to everlasting happiness. I love how each of our genders have something important and beautiful to contribute to our families. I love how we are all vital contributors. And I love how God's plan is so real and so perfect.
Friday, July 10, 2015
Diversity in Families
As previously stated in my last blog post, all families are different. They are all unique and beautiful and wonderful in their own way. However, although there can be some really great and beneficial differences in each family, there are also some differences that can be a bit harmful and destructive to the lives of the children, the parents, and the family unit as a whole. Is it fair to say that not all families are equal? Some would argue that its not. But as I have studied the family unit and the different statistics that go into family diversity, I have realized that not all families are equal. And to ignorantly keep on arguing that they are is completely destroying the family. Although all families have (or should have) some sort of good within them, there are many statistics out there that show that children who are only raised by a single mother, or father are at a lower advantage than those who are raised by a mother and a father in the same household. Of course this is not to say that children who are raised by a single mother or father are destined to a terrible life. That is not the case at all. But they are shown to be at a lower advantage and to have more struggles physically and psychologically than those who are not. It just makes their lives a bit harder than it needs or has to be. Cultural differences are wonderful and can be so helpful in the individuality and growth of children and their family unit. But when it comes to differences in parenting, and parents in the home, it should always come back to one thing, The children. Questions such as, "Is this what is best for my children?" "Is this conditional or unconditional parenting?" and, "Is this me being selfless for my child?"Are good and enlightening questions to ask oneself in regard to these important family decisions. Family differences can be so beautiful, but when they are the effect of selfish behavior, they can be devastatingly destructive.
For any further questions on family structures, I would highly recommend checking out http://www.familystructurestudies.com
For any further questions on family structures, I would highly recommend checking out http://www.familystructurestudies.com
Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories
Something that I really love about the world that we live in today is the fact that every single person, and thing is different from all of the others. We are all unique and beautiful individuals. I think that in the past sometimes people had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that we are all different and would want every person to look and act the same. There was little tolerance to thinking outside the box or doing things in less traditional ways. I think that our world has become a bit more advanced in the fact that we now are a lot more accepting of the individual and of unique qualities. I love that about us. We have come to terms, in a sense, with the fact that there is not a cookie cutter solution to the world's every problem. I think that this becomes extremely important in regard to the family. Every single family is different and unique and unidentical to every other one out there. Each family has different children with different needs, wants, and struggles. Every family has a different set of parents with their own unique relationship. This is the first important thing to remember about family dynamics and theories. We are all different. And that's okay. However, although we are all different, there are a few different kinds of family dynamic theories that can better help us understand our own families and the families around us. If we can understand these things better, then we can better fix the problems that we see in our lives, and help others with the problems that they face.
Family Dynamic Theories:
1. Exchange Theory: Exchange theory can be seen when one tries to keep their costs lower than their reward in their interactions with other people. If a relationship is always taking more than it is giving to an individual, than that individual is likely to cut off the relationship altogether. Exchange theory can be seen in families when it comes to decision making, child rearing, and the division of labor in the home.
2. Symbolic Interaction Theory: According to my textbook Marriage & Family: The Quest For Intimacy written by Robert H, Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer, it states that, "Symbolic Interaction Theory views humans primarily as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. That is, what happens in interaction is a result not merely of what individuals bring to it but also of the interaction itself... Symbolic interactionists believe that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." They used the example that perhaps a man who is negative about parenthood might then become excited about it as he interacts with his own child.
3. Conflict Theory: "Conflict theory asserts that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources. These groups have differing and even contradictory interests, needs, and goals." The book explains that because of these differences within a family unit, and because the people within it may strive for these things but there is not a sufficient amount or number for all, that not everybody can be satisfied. These things are very prominent amongst social class and gender.
Once we come to better understand these theories, it is easier for us to recognize why our families may be struggling in certain areas, or why our families are doing well in certain areas. It allows us to focus in on the good and change the bad. It also allows us to better understand our own family dynamic, and the importance of a good and functioning family unit.
Family Dynamic Theories:
1. Exchange Theory: Exchange theory can be seen when one tries to keep their costs lower than their reward in their interactions with other people. If a relationship is always taking more than it is giving to an individual, than that individual is likely to cut off the relationship altogether. Exchange theory can be seen in families when it comes to decision making, child rearing, and the division of labor in the home.
2. Symbolic Interaction Theory: According to my textbook Marriage & Family: The Quest For Intimacy written by Robert H, Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer, it states that, "Symbolic Interaction Theory views humans primarily as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. That is, what happens in interaction is a result not merely of what individuals bring to it but also of the interaction itself... Symbolic interactionists believe that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." They used the example that perhaps a man who is negative about parenthood might then become excited about it as he interacts with his own child.
3. Conflict Theory: "Conflict theory asserts that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources. These groups have differing and even contradictory interests, needs, and goals." The book explains that because of these differences within a family unit, and because the people within it may strive for these things but there is not a sufficient amount or number for all, that not everybody can be satisfied. These things are very prominent amongst social class and gender.
Once we come to better understand these theories, it is easier for us to recognize why our families may be struggling in certain areas, or why our families are doing well in certain areas. It allows us to focus in on the good and change the bad. It also allows us to better understand our own family dynamic, and the importance of a good and functioning family unit.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
More Family Blogs for All You Beautiful People Out There
If you are interested in perhaps looking at some more blogs similar to mine on the extremely important topic of the family, here are a few!(: These are my beautiful and talented classmates, go give em a look!
cyanreuel.blogspot.com/
meag01.blogspot.com
family160aunnalisa.blogspot.com/
mhoneybeem.blogspot.com
hefamilyinterpreted.blogspot.com/
thenuthouse160.wordpress.com
saralcross.wordpress.com/about/
emilygarver.blogspot.com/
danielsdwellings.blogspot.com
makayladeim.blogspot.com
teammoua.blogspot.com
reganashley.blogspot.com
lizdebroux.wordpress.com/
garenyoungstromfamily.wordpress.com
strengthening-our-familyrelations.blogspot.com/
meag01.blogspot.com
whatpaigewrites.blogspot.com/
sedensheart.blogspot.com
malindawilson.blogspot.com
wordpress.com/stats/russtw8.wordpress.com
megsbrialle.wordpress.com/
caitlintaylor22.blogspot.com/
mckaylak.blogspot.com/
thefamilylight.blogspot.com/
marninadine.blogspot.com/
familyrelationsams.wordpress.com/
principleofperformance.wordpress.com
whitneybulloch.wordpress.com/
sarahslifeasweknowit.blogspot.com/
gabygonzalesfamily.blogspot.com/
familytidbits.wordpress.com
lovealso.weebly.com
lifeofleahclaire.wordpress.com/
hathawayemilyn.wordpress.com/
families-forever-and-always.blogspot.com/
sparesomelove.blogspot.com/
emmykidd.blogspot.com
skyesfamilythoughts.blogspot.com
familiesarecentral.blogspot.com
Population
This week we talked all about population. Many of you have probably heard and maybe even believed that the world is becoming way too populated and that soon we won't have enough resources to sustain our lives here in this beautiful planet we live in. This is simply not true. In class this week we talked about how the real statistics show that if you were to take every single person on this planet , all 7.125 billion of us, and gave us all an acre of land, which is much more than most people in the world have today, we could all fit inside of Texas. This finding totally blew my mind. For anybody to say that there is not enough resources in this world for us is just completely false.
Water is still the number one resource needed in our world today. Clean drinking water. Which is something that can become easily available to all by a instilling a simple pump. Our world is most definitely not becoming overpopulated. We have plenty of resources. However, because of this false information, many have stopped having kids because it is the, "right," and, "ethical," thing to do. This is so false. If a group of a million people were to only have one child each, and have the pattern keep going throughout every generation, in twenty generations, there will only be one person left out of those million. This is exactly what is becoming of our world. We are on track to have a population deficit. If more people had more kids, there would be so many more bright and brilliant minds being brought into this world, creating new jobs, new innovations, and new ideas. We are struggling right now in numbers. By the time my generation is old enough to collect social security there will be nothing left of it. We won't be collecting a dime. The world is in dire need of more people.
On a gospel perspective, the same is true. We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. If we don't, there will be severe consequences. My mom went to a, "Time Out for Women," a couple years back. Time out for women is an event put on by the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for women to go and listen to leaders of the church speak, along with other great examples and speakers. At this particular conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer spoke. He explained that in regard to immigrants coming into our country, that we all need to be extremely gentle and kind towards them. He explained that the only reason why our dear country, the United States of America hasn't been destroyed is because of the immigrants coming in and having children. They are the ones keeping this great commandment. We all need to remember the reasons why were placed on this earth, and what we were sent here to do. We were sent here to help God fulfill His work. We were sent here to become more like Him and make it back to Him. And a really great way in which we can do this is by keeping our dear Heavenly Father's commandments. One of thee being: multiplying and replenishing the earth.
Water is still the number one resource needed in our world today. Clean drinking water. Which is something that can become easily available to all by a instilling a simple pump. Our world is most definitely not becoming overpopulated. We have plenty of resources. However, because of this false information, many have stopped having kids because it is the, "right," and, "ethical," thing to do. This is so false. If a group of a million people were to only have one child each, and have the pattern keep going throughout every generation, in twenty generations, there will only be one person left out of those million. This is exactly what is becoming of our world. We are on track to have a population deficit. If more people had more kids, there would be so many more bright and brilliant minds being brought into this world, creating new jobs, new innovations, and new ideas. We are struggling right now in numbers. By the time my generation is old enough to collect social security there will be nothing left of it. We won't be collecting a dime. The world is in dire need of more people.
On a gospel perspective, the same is true. We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. If we don't, there will be severe consequences. My mom went to a, "Time Out for Women," a couple years back. Time out for women is an event put on by the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for women to go and listen to leaders of the church speak, along with other great examples and speakers. At this particular conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer spoke. He explained that in regard to immigrants coming into our country, that we all need to be extremely gentle and kind towards them. He explained that the only reason why our dear country, the United States of America hasn't been destroyed is because of the immigrants coming in and having children. They are the ones keeping this great commandment. We all need to remember the reasons why were placed on this earth, and what we were sent here to do. We were sent here to help God fulfill His work. We were sent here to become more like Him and make it back to Him. And a really great way in which we can do this is by keeping our dear Heavenly Father's commandments. One of thee being: multiplying and replenishing the earth.
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