Saturday, July 11, 2015

Preparing for Marriage

Preparing for marriage is one of the most important things we can do in our life time. Since marriage is one (if not, "the") most important decision we will make in our life time. So if we are not well prepared, then we will not be knowledgable to make a good decision in partner selection or have the skills and tools needed to be the kind of wife and mother or husband and father that we really want to be. An excellent way to prepare well for marriage is to date. There are proper ways to date and improper ways to date. Dr. John Van Epp developed an excellent model to insure good dating habits called the RAM, or Relationship Attachment Model. In the RAM there are five different sliders. Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. These sliders all go in order in regard to what should happen first, in a relationship before the next slider. One should know a person before they trust them. One should trust a person before they rely on them. One should rely on someone before they commit to them. And one should have some sort of commitment to someone before they touch in any kind of way. If one was to follow this model, it is so much less likely that they will get severely hurt in dating, and much more likely that they will be able to determine which partners are suitable and which are not.

Another excellent thing we can do when preparing for marriage is building ourselves up to who we really want to be. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually we should be at the top of our game. We should be the kind of person that we want to be with. If we do this, we will attract those who we are looking for. Dating is so important. Our society has kind of gotten rid of the practice. We have become so used to sliding into things and forgotten how to be intentional. If we were to all follow the relationship attachment model, establish proper barriers, and be intentional when we take people out on dates, then I think we would have a lot more happy relationships and overall happy marriages. 

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